A cosmic rebirth.

Had an ironic and pleasing revelation of exactly where 9 days of living in a monastery has brought me. It occurred to me that I haven't eaten meat, worn a full face of makeup or written a single email in over a WEEK! I've spent 120 hours in self-imposed silence, over 24 hours in meditation, and listened to nearly 30 Dharma lectures. I've washed all my clothes by hand and bucket, gotten up at the butt crack of dawn every single morning, met dozens of travelers from all over the world and have encountered 3 roaches and 6 spiders, all of whose lives were spared! (God forbid I murder my mother from a past life)

I've gained incredible morsels of wisdom, things I have never contemplated in my 28 years of existence- the types of insight and radical shifts in perspective that cracked open from some abyss deep inside. It's rather mind-blowing when you encounter the constructs of your mind and find how much power it truly possesses: The power to completely wrench reality right out of it's neat little socket, or worse, the power to give your life over to a slow and steady slumber, believing in every delusion the mind presents to distract you from ever reaching true awareness. There's the incredible sweet hope it all brings, when you've bought into the mantra all this time, "life's a bitch, then you die," and then come to find that it is possible to have a completely different life than the one you'd pictured.

If I could only describe that sweet and warming pleasure of HOPE- the light inside one's mind that starts to burn again after it had begun to fade long ago, when the pile of hardships and pain became more than one could bear. There's the magical sense of wonder, of being reborn in each precious moment you truly connect to your OWN endlesss supply of love and compassionate energy. It becomes a miracle, taking in this beauty of each day and being reminded to BREATHE. I am alive.