With the Holidays blushing just around the riverbend and the stockings runneth empty, the frantic feeling sets in, that old, familiar "oh-my-god-can-i-just-hire-a-personal-shopper-and-be-done-with-it!" refrain. It's not that I don't love shopping --any fool who knows me can obviously take note that the piles of pretty boxes that arrive on my doorstep courtesy of Mr. Brown are not for the roommate or 'chirren'! It's just that I get slightly feverish when it comes down to whipping out the Visa for others, and not out of selfishness, mind you. With so much out there in Purchase Land and consumerism at an ironically rampant high, the dizzying array of choices damn near incites a case of the runs (and I'm not making pantyhose references, here). With so many appetizing options, it's hard not to get dumbstruck eyeing the mere display case of the store, with heels fastened in retrograde to just get.the.hell.out.of.the.goddamn.mall.
With that said, I've turned to the aid of the almighty online gift gods, who make shopping a snap and a mere mouse-click away. And that, I've mastered all right. If there's anyone who knows how to blow $700 bucks in 8 minutes snap, it's me. It's easier to diminish feelings of sartorial bliss-turned guilt when you don't need to exit sulkingly out of a packed mall with dozens of shopping bags digging as assembly line of grooves into your forearms; it's like the high, without the buyer's remorse. (That is, until you've checked your latest bank statement and wondered where the last 3 zeros went) So in lieu of culling myself out of my snowflake jammies and five-toe socks, I've decided to make a virtual visit to the following 3 mega-retailers that ease the woes of mall-phobes like me:
1) GROUPONICUS. Let's face it: I'm famous for adding fortune to Groupon's steadily rising stock share. With at least a dozen groupon vouchers sitting in my inbox (ranging anywhere from at-home tanning- who said I can't fake abs in the winter!- to a really rad midnight ghost tour on a tree acre farm), I can easily claim to be a devotee of the Fortune 500 company, whose +50% off discount on a bevvy of deals make that itch to push "BUY" so downright unrefusable. Grouponicus, the catchy and aptly-monikored spinoff of Groupon, features a ton of big-ticket items just for the holidays that are so savvy, they make you wanna yell WOWZA, click click click, and then call it a day. With everything from power tools, Omaha steaks and a retro Radio Flyer toy tike delivered all to your front door at just a fraction of retail price, who seriously can resist?!
2) AMAZON.COM: Another internet phenom which has ruled for what feels like millennia, I've gotta say, Amazon.com, you've never let me down. Besides the rockstar ustomer service and what feels like an endless array of products and services, I love Amazon's simple approach to consumerism- make the buyer happy and he'll never letcha down. Ohhh, I've bought stationery, I've bought books, I've bought CD's and MP3 downloads, you name it, it's gone somewhere into my revolving door of goods and thingamabobbers. I mean, how do you say no to wireless Bluetooth headphones. For God's sake, that's just genius! And a kitchen mixer- what you say, for about 200 bones? I'm SOLD!
3) FINDGIFTS.COM: And finally, findgifts.com, just about the coolest site one can peruse for stretches of time. I think I've lollygagged over just about every gadget and gizmo this nifty site features. A romotee-controlled R2-D2 robot, gravity-defyer head spa for men, mini USB-powered refrigerator- this is better than that skymall shit! I think I've about hit the roof on this one, ladies and gentleman.
(man's new best friend)
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