Monday, September 13, 2010

Do I dare? Do I dare disturb the Universe?


evidence of life lived.

the reason for which i sometimes get on the blog can and update the seminal events of my so-called life. momentary lapses of fear that i'll be swallowed in abbreviated mortality, corpse splayed on table like the primordial insect sprawled on a pin of t.s. elliott's love song of j. alfred prufrock, engulfed by life's unceasing flow... tragic the thought... and therefore i write, in my morbid hopes that my writings and idle musings will evidence a life lived, a human writ large onto the cosmos' grand stage, transient between multi-universes yet as real as the virtual copy paper i transpose my thoughts upon..

times comes and goes with feverish regularity. and yet, as the moments tick by, i am ever so acutely aware of my state, seemingly fixed and frozen, the moment before me looming large and wondrous in my tiny human imagination. life has a way of magnifying all monstrosities and present realities, condensing and compacting our existences into tiny, neat little campbell soup cans. we forget the meaning in the gestalt light of things, so taken by the minutia detail of our intricate lives that we suspend, mid-air like in the thing of things, forgetting all too briefly our existential dilemma.. ohh yeah, that.

been drowning in hairy dreams as of late, inception like, the real-likeness of my dreams reigning sovereign to the conscious life version. hmmm... fascinating how lucid our sleepy docility may appear. woken, we are sleep-walking zombies. in slumber, we face our truest realities.

for now i'll just let it sit like a hazy blanket on a cool summer's night. til the smoke rises from the pipes of my imagination, malingering like the dust that rises at dusk...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

the art of grilling, and then some.


i just purchased a george foreman grill today and i can't get over how much i love it. i could just pore over the manual that comes with the package for hours. i have this peculiar interest in meat- cuts of meat, temperatures to cook it at, different grains and marbled contents; its composition, texture and coloring. it's weird, i know. but i get uber excited at the thought of cooking, 1) in my slowcooker and 2) in my newly acquired handy-dandy little portable grill!

been transitioning to school and the kids- i'm starting to develop that rhythm, getting a feel for the little ones and the way their brains work. it's been really challenging, taking on this job, especially in such a high caliber school, but i know it's taking me places and developing the characteristics in me that i need, for the now and beyond. i'm also learning to develop a heart of patience, understanding and compassion for the little ones who are so behind.

my one kid, donvan, the one who usually gets super hyper and excited broke down in tears today because the work was so challenging. to me, what seemed like a simple activity of sorting initial consonant pictures of S and R had donvan's brow furrowed up in such distress, he was reduced to tears. i'm learning, as my kids are.... how to love, how to give, how to not give up on them, as tempting it seems at times. this job has not only shown me my talents and successes; it has, admittedly, revealed some of my greatest flaws and deficiences... it is a work in progress.

i have found that the nature of my job is rather unforgiving and oftentimes, blearing of major oversights when it comes to the work we pour in, day to day. thank goodness, for 3 day weekends and friday celebrations and cute sticky note pads, which makes the title 'teacher' oh so worth it. and oh, yeah, for little donvans, who sometimes teach you life's most teachable lessons. <3